.:. ::: ! (o) These are words Ramo Wrote.

I say things, I feel things, I see things, I think things, I intuit things, and I experience life in the moment, in all its non linear quantum glory.

for the first time in about three years. or what feels like three years. this is exciting. i think it is actually about 2 years, but it’s felt like a while.

i am excited, because it’s not that i’m broken, but it’s that going to see a therapist that your personality is a good match with, actually aids your personal and spiritual development, and in turn, aids the spiritual development of others.

simple as that.

I also wanted to put a quote that I came up with yesterday:

Holding Grudges is Unhealthy. A lot of things suck, but it’s a wide, weird, wonderful world out there. Get some. Any way you can.

Now please; Go create and have a fantastic morning!

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~ Ramo / Omar / Doctor-Beans / citizen of earth

for the first time in about three years. or what feels like three years. this is exciting. i think it is actually about 2 years, but it’s felt like a while.

i am excited, because it’s not that i’m broken, but it’s that going to see a therapist that your personality is a good match with, actually aids your personal and spiritual development, and in turn, aids the spiritual development of others.

simple as that.

I also wanted to put a quote that I came up with yesterday:

Holding Grudges is Unhealthy. A lot of things suck, but it’s a wide, weird, wonderful world out there. Get some. Any way you can.

Now please; Go create and have a fantastic morning!

~ Ramo / Omar / Doctor-Beans / citizen of earth

2021-06-29 01:58:12 AM

180-2021-weird-shifting-in-consciousness

So I am watching a film from 1992 with Tim Robbins directed by Robert Altman, and I literally had to stop it because something in the film triggered a momement in my head that is necessary of meta analysis…

I used to smoke, right? for 17 years. and I don’t anymore, nor do I ever want to.

Although, the reason this is prompted is because, I have always been a VERY imaginative person.

I would see someone smoke in a film, and then I would feel the sensation of having a drag, and relate to it, and would go through the physical sensation even if nothing was there, of collapsing the breathing joints on the front of the body to get a big hit in, and all of that manner of things.

—-

Now, the above paragraph will probably not make sense to you, but I was assaulted by four people in 2008, so it became the normal way to smoke, and also, before that I would take long long drags on a hookah for about 45 seconds or so… and it was ridiculous. But, when I got jumped they broke a rib, or dislocated it so thoroughly that it well, it took a long long long time to heal, and felt like I had a hole in my lung, and could not take a deep breath, nor hold my breath,

for more than about 5 seconds the day it happened, and well, I used to be able to to hold my breath for about 2 minutes, WHILE SWIMMING UNDERWATER…

—- so this is quite a big deal to me, and my body remembers it. —-

and this is why i am writing this post. the somatic memory reconciles against the current situation, in which my joints and body don’t understand what used to be possible is again possible, as in, it has not realized it yet and seen it being demonstratable.

as in, i believe it can be done again, but I have not done it yet.

This is because well, a number of things, but primarily, that I had smoked cigarettes for 17 years, on and off from 2004, when a girlfriend offered me one, on her parents balcony in san francisco, and i wanted to be “cool”, to the time and time after that when i realized the parasympathetic resonance patterns within other human beings worked better with a reliable and reproducible waveguide,

and i was always the weird stupidly gifted, pie in the sky ideas kid, so i did substances to relate and dumb myself down, and only in the sense that it made me dumb, because given a healthy modicum of use, drinking some sake or beer, or having a toke of something isn’t going to make you dumb, perse, but it may open you to etheric manipulation, however that/this is another story entirely out of scope of this entry at the moment.

—-

the point of this entry is actually for self reference, at the moment, because I finally managed to find a therapist I connected in a meaningful way with , (and I have an appointment finally! for the first time in about two years), probably slightly longer actually, with a therapist who i spoke with today, and can tell during the intake over the phone where i gave her an interview, by seeing how she responded to human catalyst behaviors, and she passed with flying colors, could take a sincere and well meant compliment well, could stay on track and remain grounded when faced with distraction, who understood the importance of sympathy,

who isn’t just doing their job, to collect a paycheck, but one who is actually interested in enriching not only human development in terms of their clients, but on a planetary, spiritual level, in the sense, that with the rest of their art- which reaches hopefully more than just a handful of listeners to the music, or the people they see in therapy, or other practitioners in their field, and a few other manners of these types of things..

Healing work is a big deal, and we all need it. The first time I experienced reiki, i was over at a girlfriends house, and was floored by what i experienced, when michael had me sit on the floor of my girlfriends’ sister’s flat up in san francisco, in the bernal heights area. He helped joints and muscles unlock after the car accident i had a few months previous, and i had been in non stop pain since then. but after an hour of reiki, and gently holding those areas, it had all went away, and i slept for the first time in months without pain. i was floored. not just on the floor.

Healing work is critical in many senses, to the evolution of our species. I have spent countless hours realising the reasons behind this, and it goes back and through, to millions and millions of years, but the scope of that is not this article. That will be explained in due time…. For all the things I explain, I have researched, read and pondered tens of thousands of thoughts, and even moreso of pages in some cases of a particular subject of breadth, ——

But it will be explained later… Soon. (or soon enough.) at the correct juncture in our socio-cultural development. (I track those variables in the world’s stage as well.)

This article has probably lost about 90% of the people trying to track it, at this point, but the hopeful allusion to anyone who is able to follow along faithfully, (with this and its 0 edits, since I’m writing this as a literal STREAM of my consciousness at 2:18am Tue Jun 29 PST 2020, and doing my best to avoid spelling errors, and add paragraph breaks, at best, is that it tracks for the people who are functioning on a level where they can understand that – we are on the precipice of a dawning of a new age of humanity, and not this stupid trahnshumansim shit, that the people who are uneducated in a worldly sense, have been fed- by the algorithms that decide the news in the social media sphere, and by those who would wish to profile them otherwise, and sell them things that would shorten their lifespan perhaps, with clean hands, while making a profit, and with the overall process outcome of simply – (and see that’s where i give generally too much credit.. ) for it takes a lot of traction to push a machine at this level, although there is hardly any oversight, hell the FDA is paid to investigate and endorse things.. they aren’t an elective commission of evangelical scientists hell bent on purity, they are a legal arm of the federal reserve corporation – but

okay i’ve lost my point i believe it was this and i’ll stop: there is nobody watching out for us in this world, and most things that have money involved, are generally pragmatically and empirically designed to filter, and winnow and reduce the amount of groundbreaking and staggering genius in the world, not foster it, and this is a much weaker and secondary, even quaternary point, that i am making so I can just hit the publish button, and finish the robert altman film.

full circle though , it is weird that 50 days after quitting smoking, the body goes through patterned motions that it did while seeing smoking triggers, even with zero physical desire to smoke, or mental desire, and i suspect that strongly this is what people call the oral fixation but magnified. I don’t have a desire to have things in my mouth, okay someone elses lips to nibble on after being single since 2008 would be nice, on occasion, because i am an excellent kisser, but i am not thinking that of the paramount importance in regards to the scope of the sensory matricies triggered therein and thereof, with respect to the film and seeing a smoker.

—-

moreso, its a neurosynaptic gateway in the brain that has formed over tens of thousands of drags… 15-25 drags per smoke, 4-5 at the end, to 10-20 at the midpoint to 20 at the height of the patterning, and for 17 years, following a somewhat parabolic curvature, and therein that’s a lot of that pattern, in the physicality.

—- however! more importantly, the ultimate point of that is it feels great not to be doing that, but the muscles are still learning what that means, to not, and that is hilarious, because they are not learning, they are remembering.

okay, and thats where i say, “Omar, I love you,” and end this article for now.

Plus whatever the hell I wrote under this, which actually happened earlier.

The thoughts, below, are out of order with the synchrony of the insertion point above , where i jumped in and started hammering away.

upon scrolling down, i am thrilled to not see a huge mass of more than a page or so.

okay but sometime soon i will write more on the transformative power of art, and what i did with modzine, and how i believe thoroughly the healing power of self and social validation through the expression of the arts, is critical to healing the self, and the planetary ego, and insert a statement about paul lafolley and the levogyre, here, and about the fourth density, and the annunaki, and anything else inserting itself in the fourth density, but i’m not a conspiracy theorist, i am a pattern guy, and i see things that most people can only dream of correlating, and that is my sacred gift, and i will explain later, but for now you have two choices- take it for what it is, assume i am fucking insane, or c: wait to see option d, which will explain more later…

ok the rest was written about 40 minutes before the above stuff, and i am not responsible for a break in continuity, because – i dont care. -

this is for me, and if this is confusing, read it again, until you understand everything, or dont. life is non linear, and that is your choice.

over and out for now! i will be back tomorrow. with love,

That’s the funny thing, see? I have all these talents- I used to manage a music and culture magazine online that I created from scratch, before the internet was really a budding thing- it was 2002 or so, I called it “modzine” the website was modzine.com

and yeah i’ve always been more than halfway decent with the domain name ideas, but that isnt the point either…

the point is i studied audio engineering for 20 years, from the armchair and a few classes, the point is i believe in the transformative power of art and really with my heart and soul believe in the transformative power of human connection,

i believe in the transformative power of touch, of experiencing ones own nervous system, of experiencing and exploring

with love,

and the thought above about the nervous system is a perfect thing for me to explain more and write about tomorrow..

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~ Ramo / Omar / Doctor-Beans / citizen of earth

Yesterday, I lost myself in the branches of a tree. :) I spent a good 40 minutes standing there, observing all of the living things it was supporting, the shape, color, texture, and way it was all put together… :) It was really really magical.

I was on my evening walk, and decided i wanted to experience something different. SO the first beautiful thing I saw, I stopped, and decided I would appreciate and spend time with it. It was a tree, and it was one with purple flowers, and I decided I was in love, and captivated and mystified, so I decided this was the spot.

I proceeded to stand there motionless nearly for about 40 minutes, entirely transfixed and lost / absorbed within the magic of this glorious being. It had all manner of things to say, express, and show me.

a friend after reading this, asked me if I meant “a Jacqueranda” tree, and I said I don’t know let me look.. Sure enough ! So it’s a Jacqueranda tree. Thank you Kerry.

  • It was flowering, and there were little trumpets of purple, with white fringed edges upon its’ bulbs of flowery beauty.
  • It had inside each little flower, a most peculiar stamen, with fine filament hairs on the outside of the stamen, in a radial pattern but an irregular one, being that it was somewhat asymmetrical, and not entirely convergent with any particular symmetry. This was consistent, this irregularity. It was most fascinating.
  • It had many lady bugs interspersed on its leaves, who were happily napping away, cleaning and preening themselves, taking their little pokey pole feelers and rubbing them together, and generally having a lovely time..
  • It had the most beautiful pattern among the leaves, which appeared to grow like a fern, in that same general pattern, but this was a tree, not a bush!
  • It had a very high vibratory rate, you could put your hand under it and feel the electromagnetic effusion from the leaves, and her branches.
  • There was a really nice scent to it, like honey a bit, and like lavender at other times. The flowers were lavender colored.
  • It appeared to be responsive to thought, which I haven’t seen in a tree in a while, and was very grateful for. A great many trees have all but stopped talking in the last few years. This one wanted to have an interactive dialogue.

I told it I would be back, and asked it if it wanted to see me tomorrow. It said come back anytime. I thanked her, and went home. :–)

this was not the tree, but it looks somewhat similar, in a sense. I’ll have to go take a photo of it, the next time we hang out, if it says that’s okay.

  • I’ve talked with trees since I was a little boy, so if you’re judging or wondering if that’s a thing, it’s definitely a thing.

Have a great day!

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I wrote a poem called “As the Tree Stands” and included it in my first book. Click read more below to see that poem.

Read more...

oh yeah, i signed up for some of this shit by being born.. what fcking planet do i live on right now? (which version of earth)? i bring you discongruent meta analysis with deeply veiled icky not created by me-

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found on the fediverse. (independent internet twitter type thing). ((( my comment: this is SO weird.. )) ok. screw that, listen to elliott smith’s 1994 album cop and speeder- title isn’t ironic intentionally (instead) because it’s pretty great 4/4 tempo hard hitting rock with intriguing but simple negative space inflection with the drummer on the fourth beat ,

and that time signature is at least predictably soothing to everyone from ages 55-38 and yeah. hi.

My name is Ramo / Omar / and you know that you want to listen to some good rock music right now, so click this link >>>>

then fire this up, kick back and actually ignore everything and listen to the lyrics, then reflect on the year this was released. 1994..

#fourfourTime

~ Ramo / Omar / Doctor-Beans / citizen of earth

I keep getting asked about it by my mother. I know she is trying to help, but that is the quickest way to make something not feel like I own it anymore, and in fact bring and breed resentment. Why would I want to do that if she keeps asking about it?

Each time she asks about it, it makes me less and less likely to want to actually do it at all, and I’ve explained this very simply each and every time she asks.

She simply doesn’t understand it. Or if she does, she pretends not to.

I do love her though very much.

it’s like this: I dont want to be asked constantly do to something, and I’m not going to do it just to be not asked about it. This doesn’t motivate me, it pisses me off. I just screamed and had to walk around to calm down.

What motivates me is being left alone to my own damn devices, and nobody suggesting what I should or shouldn’t do. As weird as that sounds, I value my intellectual and procedural freedom. The fastest way to piss me off is to suggest what I should be doing. Sorry Gary, now I know why you don’t want to talk to me anymore. I was doing a lot of that, because I was trying to help, and I’ve since seen the pattern clearly.

Of the two therapists I’ve actually enjoyed, they both didn’t take notes. After I left one of them did, but he didn’t in session at all. MY favorite one didnt take notes afterwards or during, and that really showed in the quality of attention he was able to give- he was truly present and focused on being a genuine human, and I think the best kind of therapist really just surrogates a friendship. Even though they are paid for it.

It/This must have some sort of therapeutic academic wording around it, huh?

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I get more therapuetic value from writing out and exploring my own thoughts and or sharing them with a human than I do with almost every single therapist i’ve ever had. i’ve only liked two of them, the rest i would have been happy watching them walk away to a far away land never to return again. (as long as they were able to walk away unharmed by the circumstances of whatever awaited them, i just had no use for them and they were confounding.)

addendum:

is there a term for bugging someone constantly to tell you when they’ve made an appointment?

Is that just old fashioned guilt shame? There must be some word for this, but I know I am highly resistant to it.

I would like to find a good therapist since my last one retired, but the past six months she asks every so often, and I just reiterate that you need to stop asking and I’ll eventually tell you that I have an appointment.

(and that each time you ask, it makes me resentful and not want to do it.)

I think the key is for me to choose a different reaction, and she says I’m being stubborn,

but I just dont like being asked, and know I can’t change her behavior, only suggest it would be nice not to be asked,

and don’t want to just call one to make her stop asking,

because that would reinforce that she has a winning strategy,

even though she’s just trying to help.

***all things considered, what if i didn’t even want a therapist?*** i do, but that is also something to be just put out there.

~ Ramo / Omar / Doctor-Beans / citizen of earth

it may be time to write a blog entry. why? i dont know either. but i know its been a few days and it wouldn’t entirely be a bad idea.

i have been thinking lately about several things and this entry may just go where my brain wants to.

hopes and dreams are never cancelled, but in the US they seem to have been procedurally cancelled, if only for a short bit. There are also people that say most of the people that are alive right now will not be alive by 2025. I do wonder quite a lot about that.

i also wonder why everyone releases videos trying to be right, or saying they’re right. oh wait i already know the answer to that one- its the ego being the ego, and protecting people who are worried about things from imploding. this is okay but it’s why you’re not supposed to take others words as dogma, generally.

there are precious few people in this world who will tell you they’re not entirely sure, and those are the ones who are your friends, or if you were to listen to anyone, those would be the folks, because they give you in a conversation the room to have your own mind and thoughts made up for yourself, and dont say blindly it’s one thing or the other. because this world is complicated and it’s usually many things at once.

at the same time, on the general dynamics of this world, hopes and dreams and goals better damn well not be cancelled because I really enjoy nature and want to move off to a piece of land somewhere, but first apparently i have to buy it but wouldn’t it be interesting if that paradigm was changing? lets think for a moment if everyone is mostly dead then are things going to still be expensive?

thats what i have been wondering lately, because things are only artificially expensive anyway, the whole of “you get a lot of something for a lot of money” is a made up concept from the get go, because money is a negentropic process in the whole anyway.. ie it’s not real and uses mathematical sorcery to do its bidding.. theres a tiny workbook put out by the chicago federal reserve called “modern money mechanics” and i suggest you read it, it will blow the fucking doors off of your brain, if you haven’t ever seen it. basically there is a lot of money out there, and for every money printed, they generate LOTS more by a process called deposit expansion. this is how the economy grows, sadly, but it’s all artificial,and all on paper..

it really is a house of cards where people play into the thing and are all “locked in” so to speak, because they assume mentally that they are responsible for part of the debt, but by even playing the game,they are indeed trading in debt instruments (which are otherwise known as bank notes,or dollars) because they are actually holding a negative value, because of the deposit expansion process. so each dollar is automatically worth 1/100,000 (as an example) and can never be repayed, by design, in the grand scheme of the whole thing.

of course person to person trading is an assumed process because people are not aware of this, but the process by which you have gotten those dollars has been adjusted to be a part of the game.

read modern money mechanics, it will blow your mind.

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^ page 11- modern money mechanics

get your own copy here >>> modern money mechanics, a federal reserve workbook

also, i’d still like a chunk of land, but let me also get back to what i had opened this thing to say,

which was something along the lines of it’s a beautiful morning, and i’ve forgotten what it was that I wished to say. So I will report that I have put on 16 pounds of muscle, in the last month just by modifying my diet, and walking! So instead, here’s a photo I thought was really cool but did not take:

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also, next month i will do my best to open up an orgonite store, which i hope is wildly successful, so i can get my ass onto a nice chunk of land and out of the city. it would be a humble honor if you would please help me succeed in this endeavor.

~ Ramo / Omar / Doctor-Beans / citizen of earth

i really enjoy doing that but i have to look it up, when i’m not using my linux laptop, which is not common these days and i just wanted to write a short entry.

I came over to my parents house to do some laundry, since they live down the street from where I live (well it’s a few miles but it’s close enough. and their machines dont have tide and stuff that i’m allergic to in them, like the ones at my complex. so that’s a good thing. but this entry is me trying to do something while i’m waiting for laundry, in the computer world, because oooh lets just mentally bounce all over the place.

what i really wanted to say is i screwed up the mobile office implementation and did not bring the mouse. i have the ipad and keyboard, but that’s not entirely as useful as i wanted it to be, i have no idea how people use these things without an input device or both.. it greatly enhances the thing, and i always felt the ipad was missing something, and had great potential to be a replacement for a computer, for day to day things, but they took years to develop the pencil, and the ability in the software to add the mouse and keyboard.

but now that it’s here i rarely actually use the laptop for most things, even as screwey as mobile safari is, it’s pretty competent for most things...

that being said, i can totally read an ebook i think in here, but its not going to be as fun as say, doing this with a mouse. i forget if goodreader has a setting for going from one page to the next with the keyboard versus the mouse or tapping.

^ this is the current interest of the moment. i will have to look into that.

=) um, yeah there’s that. and okay! that’s all for now doc!

~ Ramo / Omar / Doctor-Beans / citizen of earth

0-6 spain, 6mos-1.5yrs monterey, then 1.5-5 waldorf.. then evanston 5-7 (with new jersey), then 7-8 in fremont, then 8-10 in columbia, then landing in saugus,ca at 10- high school.

o was talking with a friend of mine yesterday and discussing memories of early life, and so i decided to explain that i was never really in one place all that long, but did live in the following places:

  • Rota, Spain
  • Monterey, CA
  • Waldorf, MD
  • Evanston, IL
  • Cherry Hill, NJ
  • Fremont, CA
  • Columbia, MD
  • Saugus, CA
  • Redlands, CA
  • San Francisco, CA
  • Saugus, CA
  • Ventura, CA

Ive been around a little bit, apparently !

~ Ramo / Omar / Doctor-Beans / citizen of earth

i am pretty sure i am just writing this stuff for myself, because i dont know that anyone is actually reading these.

i haven’t gotten anyone to use submit,as for months, and i wish i could stop paying for it, but i should just contact support, because there doesnt seem to be any way to remove it.

i wonder if swapping it for reply.as is easier, or respond.as or whatever its called....

:)

i also wonder, what is the future of this country, and where it all going

i also wonder why people are so under developed in their deep personality and content with emulating either authority figures or celebrity or whatnot., (they must watch tv) (it shows and its sad) precious few people try to be themselves, or learn what that even is...

anyway, i feel like ive said all this before and i know ive thought all of it so many times its not even the slightest bit entertaining, its just here to fill space...

have a great day !

did you know the japanese artists define things by the space that isnt defined moreso than the things that are so the way the leaves and reeds and so on are positioned in sumie, is more about what the white space looks like than anything else..., food for thought

so go claim some white space and create something

i think its now time for a walk even tough tis cold outside...

wish i had someone to come with me.

~ Ramo / Omar / Doctor-Beans / citizen of earth

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