2021-06-29 01:58:12 AM
So I am watching a film from 1992 with Tim Robbins directed by Robert Altman, and I literally had to stop it because something in the film triggered a momement in my head that is necessary of meta analysis…
I used to smoke, right? for 17 years. and I don’t anymore, nor do I ever want to.
Although, the reason this is prompted is because, I have always been a VERY imaginative person.
I would see someone smoke in a film, and then I would feel the sensation of having a drag, and relate to it, and would go through the physical sensation even if nothing was there, of collapsing the breathing joints on the front of the body to get a big hit in, and all of that manner of things.
Now, the above paragraph will probably not make sense to you, but I was assaulted by four people in 2008, so it became the normal way to smoke, and also, before that I would take long long drags on a hookah for about 45 seconds or so… and it was ridiculous. But, when I got jumped they broke a rib, or dislocated it so thoroughly that it well, it took a long long long time to heal, and felt like I had a hole in my lung, and could not take a deep breath, nor hold my breath,
for more than about 5 seconds the day it happened, and well, I used to be able to to hold my breath for about 2 minutes, WHILE SWIMMING UNDERWATER…
so this is quite a big deal to me, and my body remembers it.
and this is why i am writing this post. the somatic memory reconciles against the current situation, in which my joints and body don’t understand what used to be possible is again possible, as in, it has not realized it yet and seen it being demonstratable.
as in, i believe it can be done again, but I have not done it yet.
This is because well, a number of things, but primarily, that I had smoked cigarettes for 17 years, on and off from 2004, when a girlfriend offered me one, on her parents balcony in san francisco, and i wanted to be “cool”, to the time and time after that when i realized the parasympathetic resonance patterns within other human beings worked better with a reliable and reproducible waveguide,
and i was always the weird stupidly gifted, pie in the sky ideas kid, so i did substances to relate and dumb myself down, and only in the sense that it made me dumb, because given a healthy modicum of use, drinking some sake or beer, or having a toke of something isn’t going to make you dumb, perse, but it may open you to etheric manipulation, however that/this is another story entirely out of scope of this entry at the moment.
the point of this entry is actually for self reference, at the moment, because I finally managed to find a therapist I connected in a meaningful way with , (and I have an appointment finally! for the first time in about two years), probably slightly longer actually, with a therapist who i spoke with today, and can tell during the intake over the phone where i gave her an interview, by seeing how she responded to human catalyst behaviors, and she passed with flying colors, could take a sincere and well meant compliment well, could stay on track and remain grounded when faced with distraction, who understood the importance of sympathy,
who isn’t just doing their job, to collect a paycheck, but one who is actually interested in enriching not only human development in terms of their clients, but on a planetary, spiritual level, in the sense, that with the rest of their art- which reaches hopefully more than just a handful of listeners to the music, or the people they see in therapy, or other practitioners in their field, and a few other manners of these types of things..
Healing work is a big deal, and we all need it. The first time I experienced reiki, i was over at a girlfriends house, and was floored by what i experienced, when michael had me sit on the floor of my girlfriends’ sister’s flat up in san francisco, in the bernal heights area. He helped joints and muscles unlock after the car accident i had a few months previous, and i had been in non stop pain since then. but after an hour of reiki, and gently holding those areas, it had all went away, and i slept for the first time in months without pain. i was floored. not just on the floor.
Healing work is critical in many senses, to the evolution of our species. I have spent countless hours realising the reasons behind this, and it goes back and through, to millions and millions of years, but the scope of that is not this article. That will be explained in due time…. For all the things I explain, I have researched, read and pondered tens of thousands of thoughts, and even moreso of pages in some cases of a particular subject of breadth, ——
But it will be explained later… Soon. (or soon enough.) at the correct juncture in our socio-cultural development. (I track those variables in the world’s stage as well.)
This article has probably lost about 90% of the people trying to track it, at this point, but the hopeful allusion to anyone who is able to follow along faithfully, (with this and its 0 edits, since I’m writing this as a literal STREAM of my consciousness at 2:18am Tue Jun 29 PST 2020, and doing my best to avoid spelling errors, and add paragraph breaks, at best, is that it tracks for the people who are functioning on a level where they can understand that – we are on the precipice of a dawning of a new age of humanity, and not this stupid trahnshumansim shit, that the people who are uneducated in a worldly sense, have been fed- by the algorithms that decide the news in the social media sphere, and by those who would wish to profile them otherwise, and sell them things that would shorten their lifespan perhaps, with clean hands, while making a profit, and with the overall process outcome of simply – (and see that’s where i give generally too much credit.. ) for it takes a lot of traction to push a machine at this level, although there is hardly any oversight, hell the FDA is paid to investigate and endorse things.. they aren’t an elective commission of evangelical scientists hell bent on purity, they are a legal arm of the federal reserve corporation – but
okay i’ve lost my point i believe it was this and i’ll stop: there is nobody watching out for us in this world, and most things that have money involved, are generally pragmatically and empirically designed to filter, and winnow and reduce the amount of groundbreaking and staggering genius in the world, not foster it, and this is a much weaker and secondary, even quaternary point, that i am making so I can just hit the publish button, and finish the robert altman film.
full circle though , it is weird that 50 days after quitting smoking, the body goes through patterned motions that it did while seeing smoking triggers, even with zero physical desire to smoke, or mental desire, and i suspect that strongly this is what people call the oral fixation but magnified. I don’t have a desire to have things in my mouth, okay someone elses lips to nibble on after being single since 2008 would be nice, on occasion, because i am an excellent kisser, but i am not thinking that of the paramount importance in regards to the scope of the sensory matricies triggered therein and thereof, with respect to the film and seeing a smoker.
moreso, its a neurosynaptic gateway in the brain that has formed over tens of thousands of drags… 15-25 drags per smoke, 4-5 at the end, to 10-20 at the midpoint to 20 at the height of the patterning, and for 17 years, following a somewhat parabolic curvature, and therein that’s a lot of that pattern, in the physicality.
—- however! more importantly, the ultimate point of that is it feels great not to be doing that, but the muscles are still learning what that means, to not, and that is hilarious, because they are not learning, they are remembering.
okay, and thats where i say, “Omar, I love you,” and end this article for now.
Plus whatever the hell I wrote under this, which actually happened earlier.
The thoughts, below, are out of order with the synchrony of the insertion point above , where i jumped in and started hammering away.
upon scrolling down, i am thrilled to not see a huge mass of more than a page or so.
okay but sometime soon i will write more on the transformative power of art, and what i did with modzine, and how i believe thoroughly the healing power of self and social validation through the expression of the arts, is critical to healing the self, and the planetary ego, and insert a statement about paul lafolley and the levogyre, here, and about the fourth density, and the annunaki, and anything else inserting itself in the fourth density, but i’m not a conspiracy theorist, i am a pattern guy, and i see things that most people can only dream of correlating, and that is my sacred gift, and i will explain later, but for now you have two choices- take it for what it is, assume i am fucking insane, or c: wait to see option d, which will explain more later…
ok the rest was written about 40 minutes before the above stuff, and i am not responsible for a break in continuity, because – i dont care. -
this is for me, and if this is confusing, read it again, until you understand everything, or dont. life is non linear, and that is your choice.
over and out for now! i will be back tomorrow.
That’s the funny thing, see? I have all these talents- I used to manage a music and culture magazine online that I created from scratch, before the internet was really a budding thing- it was 2002 or so, I called it “modzine” the website was modzine.com
and yeah i’ve always been more than halfway decent with the domain name ideas, but that isnt the point either…
the point is i studied audio engineering for 20 years, from the armchair and a few classes, the point is i believe in the transformative power of art and really with my heart and soul believe in the transformative power of human connection,
i believe in the transformative power of touch, of experiencing ones own nervous system, of experiencing and exploring
and the thought above about the nervous system is a perfect thing for me to explain more and write about tomorrow..
~ Ramo / Omar / Doctor-Beans / citizen of earth